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***I wrote this post a few weeks ago, but waited to post it until I either was or wasn’t called. I wasn’t.

My choices are not seemingly entirely thought out these days. For example, the bus is fairly empty, yet I chose to sit in front of the coughing elderly person. And once I commit to a seat, I don’t want to offend anyone by moving, so I stay put.  

I got hired on at a second restaurant. This one in Beverly Hills. But, despite the fact that it’s been a couple weeks and they keep promising me that I’ll start soon, I haven’t. I’m getting concerned that this place is flakey and is wasting my valuable job searching/ working time. But still I wait. Hope that’s not a bad decision.

**update: I actually started trying two days ago. Food is good. Management, still questionable.

There are a lot of options of things to do to fill your day in Hollywood. Yesterday I spent the better part of mine auditioning for a cooking show. (Cant remember everything I signed in the eight page application. Don’t want to get in trouble for talking about my experience, so the show shall remain nameless).

I went in the morning, and despite living literally across the street from where it was held, I waited in line for 5 1/2 hours. I probably could have gone and hung out at home for that time, watched the line progress from my window. But I didn’t. That’s a long time to stand. And, having social anxiety, not very entertaining. Bad choice.

One good choice I made was my food. I made Italian beef short rib sliders. I baked the Italian bread, it had provolone cheese and balsamic caramelized onions. I put a basil aioli on the plate. There was au ju. The taster repeatedly told me it was really good. But they went crazy for my baked potato salad.

Here was the reaction:

“This potato salad, my god, you have to try this potato salad”.
Next person tried it. Calls over a third “if you like potato salad you have to try this”.
Third person, “this is the best potato salad I’ve had in my life”.
After a long day if eating, they came back again and again, and then they kept the Tupperware of the extra.

I was stunned. I knew that I liked it. But their reaction had me elated. There was an interview, did good at that one I guess. Onto the next round.

I was doing okay, playing my part. But those producers, they know. They could see that I’m not the insanely confident super personality that they look for. And they caught me.

I answered a question wrong at the end of the interview. The rest I felt I did fine on, but as soon as I answered this one, I knew it was over. They asked: “if this were a team challenge, who would be the leader?” (I’m in line with ten other people) I always assume that questions like that exclude me. So, I said someone that wasn’t me. Instantly I realized my mistake, but it was too late. Should have thought it out better.

But I’m not a leader. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Not that I couldn’t step up and do a good job given the challenge, but I prefer not too. Truthfully, I prefer to just keep to myself. I want to lead a team of me.

Also, I’m not the most confident person in the world. I’m surprised I made it as far as I did. Not because I don’t think my food is good. I know it is. But I’m just a little convinced others food is better. Plus, almost everyone there had give to culinary school. One of the guys they picked teaches a skills class. There was another questionable choice, but for the sake of the show I won’t give spoilers. I just wonder how they count as home cooks?

Somehow, I can understand why my personality isn’t tv competition show right. And I’m ok with that. I feel far less upset by them rejecting me personally then if they had rejected my food. But I make good food. And it’s nice that it’s confirmed. 🙂

And I know I’m not saying what show, so I guess watch them all, you might just see me in the promos, audition opening next to a celebuchef.