I know this may sound dumb, but since my computer died, I haven’t felt very motivated. Perhaps I form attachment to objects too deeply. But, in a way, my computer felt like my home. It was my own space. A place that was all mine. It was where all my stuff lived. It was where a piece of myself lived. Where I stored all of my stories, my photos, the million bookmarked links that I’d get around to looking at again ‘someday’ or had peaked my interest, but not enough for me to look at them right then. I often open ten tabs and leave them open for days before deciding, “I’m never going to read this, but I want to.” Hopefully, at some point, I can recover anything of importance. I backed up some things, of course. Otherworlders, Skyland, Windchasers (lost a little of it), I think my Flash Fiction, but that’s about it. My computer had been acting wonky for awhile. Both physically and software-y. It had been suggested to me to reformat it, but I had no where to store the vast amount of images I had. I was briefly a professional photographer, and those files are huge. Now, it’s all locked away in the broken shell of my old computer.
For now, I’m using my boyfriends old computer. It’ll get me through, I hope. The battery life isn’t long, and it’s a little older, so it can’t do everything. Plus, my own software isn’t installed on here, so if I ever want to hop on Photoshop for something, I can’t. It works, but it’s like sleeping on someone’s couch. Unfamiliar, uncomfortable, and obviously not completely yours. Also, with only 1 laptop, (his new computer is a desk top), we can’t go out and write like we normally do. Also, I don’t have cable right now. So, I’ve been using this TV primarily as my entertainment system. But, I can’t use it both as a TV and a computer at the same time. I often multi-task. I like watching tv and playing around on the internet. I’ve got my phone… but it can only do so much. It’s already depressing to have to watch only HULU and internet available TV. So many ads! So little content. Now, I have to choose between watching TV (my primary means of relaxation) and using the computer. Lame.
Hopefully, weather permitting, since the busyness of my job, and therefore my tips, is seriously impacted by the weather, and tomorrow the high is only mid sixties 😦 , I’ll be able to buy a new computer at the end of this month. That is, if I can somehow justify buying a new computer when this one technically works alright.
Whatever the end result, I have to keep on keeping on. I missed a couple post these week due to my grieving. But foreign or not, I have to use this computer to keep writing. It’s just a little set-back. I’m lucky to have a computer at all. I know that. I need to stop being a brat and get on with it. Gotta keep writing. Time to move on.