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Last Week’s FFF: Life




Jeremy walked into through the crowded bar.  The noise of a hundred conversations was nearly deafening.  Even worse, he wasn’t a part of any of them.  Arms tucked into his hoodie, he squeezed through the mass of happy, half drunk people and made his way to the bar.   

Holding his hand up, he tried in vein to get the bartender’s attention.  He was busy at the other end of the bar, serving a bachelorette party.  Jeremy had already given up hope of finding true love in that group.  He had spotted them immediately, and offered to buy them a round, but they weren’t interested in the free drinks, at least, not if they came from him.

A tall, blond woman came and stood beside him.  Her ample breast spilled over the bar, and nearly out of her shirt as she leaned over to flag down the bartender.  As she bent, her short skirt rose, revealing the bottom curve of her butt, concealed only by see-through plaid leggings.

She noticed his stare.  She snarled her top lift, stepped back from the bar, and walked down to the other end where the bartender worked.

Jeremy sighed.  Every woman seemed to find something wrong in him, almost instantly.  But he couldn’t figure out what it was.  He was decent looking enough.  He styled his hair, wore a proper amount of stubble, was lean, and had clear skin.  And yet, the girls never came around.

Finally, the bartender spotted him.  He ordered two beers.  One for now, and one for when he wanted the second but couldn’t get he bartender’s attention again.

As he drank deep from the bottle, he scanned the crowd.  Not a single person wanted him.  There were no shy, come after me pans of gazes.  Just quick and awkward breaks whenever accidentally eye contact was made.

Frustrated, Jeremy pulled out his phone.  A coworker had told him about a dating app.  Naturally shy, and a little embarrassed about seeking companionship that way, he had installed the app but never used it.  He figured that it was finally time.

Instantly, a number of beautiful women, and some lesser so, popped up.  He didn’t care.  He was lonely, so he swiped yes to all.   He was excited a few moments later when the messages began to flood in.  He was doing it.  Or, at least, he was for a moment.

As soon as the conversations started, they ended.  The girls were unimpressed with his attempts at witty batter, his slow introductions, or his cuts to the chase.  Whatever they were looking for, he just didn’t have it.

Just when he was about to give up hope, another message came through.  It was from a girl.  She was brunette, and cute.  He didn’t want to hope, but he couldn’t help it.

Hi.” she said.

“Hey,” he replied.

That’s the nicest response I’ve gotten in awhile.  Most men don’t play hard to get.  Are you a nice guy, Jeremy?”

I didn’t realize that I was playing hard to get.  Trust me, I’m not hard.  To get.  I mean, I’m definitely looking.”

And just what are you looking for, Jeremy?”

A connection.”


I know this might sound forward, but would you like to meet up sometime?”

How do I know you’re not a psycho killer?” she asked.

“I promise I’m not.  But we could meet somewhere public.  Or, I could come to your place.”

“That is forward.  How do you know I’m not a psycho killer?”

I’ll take my chances.”

“So you’re not a killer.  But how do I know that you won’t steal my stuff?”

“I suppose you could tie me up.”

Jeremy heart nearly exploded out of his chest in anxiety as he hit send.  He was certain that she’d stop responding.  But she didn’t.

“That has promise.  Alright, come over.”

She sent him the address.

Jeremy slammed his other beer down and left a twenty on the bar under the empty bottles.  He hailed a ride-share and promptly made his way to her apartment.  On the way over, he had the sudden realization that this girl may not be who she claimed.  The car pulled up outside of the building and he got out.

He became more and more unsure of himself as he walked up to the door.  He pressed the button for her apartment.  A sweet, thankfully female, voice sounded.

“Glad you could make it.  So quick, too.”

The door buzzed and unlocked.

Excited by possibilities, he rushed up the three stories to her floor.  He found the right door, stopped a moment to catch his breath, and knocked.

The door opened, and there she was.  Just like the picture.  Stunning.  Five-foot-eight, shoulder-length brown hair, big, green eyes, and a gorgeous smile.

“I can’t believe you’re real,” he found himself say.

“Isn’t that sweet,” she said.

She took him by the hand and led him into the bedroom.  He was uncertain what to do, so he followed her lead.  He couldn’t believe it.  Her she was, this attractive stranger, and he was in her room.  He prayed to the digital gods and thanked them for their bounty.

She pushed him onto the bed, which made an odd crinkle as he landed.  He payed it little attention as she straddled him.  She reached her hand up his arm, and fastened a pair of handcuffs to his wrist.

“You weren’t kidding about tying me up,” he said.

“A girl can’t be too careful,” she said, fastening his feet.

Once he was secure, she stepped off of him and went to her dresser drawer.  He scooted back and forth on the bed.  There it was again, the crinkle sound.

“Is there plastic on the bed?” he asked.

“This is embarrassing, but I’m afraid that I have some control problems with I drink.”

He was momentarily grossed out by the thought of her wetting the bed.  But he recalled times that he’d vomited in unsavory places and tried to forgive it.  Still, how often could it happen that she always has plastic under the sheets?

“You haven’t been drinking tonight, have you?”

She turned, wielding a knife in her hand.

“I’m afraid that I have.”

“What is that for?” Jeremy asked, panicked.

“Well, Jeremy, this is the risk that you said that you were willing to take.  I tried to warn you.”

“You’re telling me that you actually are a psycho killer?”

“I don’t really like the word psycho.”

She approached him and placed a blindfold over his eyes.  He began to call out, but as he opened his mouth, something cloth was shoved in, and he could only make muffled sounds.

“The gag is a necessary evil, I’m afraid.  I own the whole building, there’s no other tenants here that could hear you.  But, can’t rule out passerby’s on the street.  Like I said, a girl can’t be too careful.”

It was three days before anyone noticed Jeremy was missing.  It would be two weeks before they would find his body.  As for his killer, she was careful, and was never found.