30, anxiety, bday, birthday, birthday plans, drinking, drunk, social anxiety, thirty, turning 30
Last Week’s MM: Booktrack and Halfway Home
Okay, so this post might be a bit narcissistic.
But, yesterday was my birthday. I turned the big 3-0. Never again will I be in my twenties. More and more lately, I’ve been thinking about the future. Which is frustrating, because I see this amazing life that I want, and just have no idea how to get it. I’m trying the best that I can, but progress is slow, and I’m impatient. There are a few things I know for certain that I want, and others I’ve just got no idea. Also, it’s difficult for me to express my feelings due to the anxiety. But, now I’m just complaining and may end up depressing myself, so I’ll move on.
My bday celebration started at work on Saturday. I cooked cupcakes and cookies. The cookies were from scratch and were sugar cookies, but they were fluffy, almost like cake, with a powdered sugar frosting and sprinkles. They were melt in your mouth. The cupcakes came from a box, which in my opinion, is cheating a bit, but they were at least fancy s’more ones, with a graham cracker bottom and a marshmallow center. People went crazy for them. My boss bought me flowers (turned out she had some home stuff to deal with and couldn’t go out to celebrate with everyone). A coworker brought me a cupcake and they bombarded me with singing “happy birthday” when I went into the cocktail area. Ugh, I could overhear them arranging it, and I did not want to come out, but I didn’t have a choice. It was kind of awful, but did provide a temporary boost in tips.
When I revealed to my coworkers that I had never been drunk before, they made it their mission to change that. Honestly, after 30 years of sobriety (9 legal), I really really thought that I was just immune to alcohol. I was wrong. While I had a fun time out, the actual experience of being “drunk” was awful. I don’t understand why anyone would want to feel that way. My boyfriend, who came to join the festivities after work (but wound up working late, so he missed most everything beyond picking me up) said that most people don’t get that drunk.
Although, I will say there were some neat moments.
- Being in the back alley behind the restaurant to discover a random drum circle with people dancing was cool.
- ‘Breaking into’ (more like, going in even though they were closed but not locked up yet) the place we work, while one of the coworkers played the piano really well and we all sang was also great.
- Basically feeling like a normal person for a moment, able to fluidly talk to and interact with other people. I mean, my goodness, I’ve worked with these people for a while, 7 months some of them, and I still feel guarded and awkward most of the time.
- young people who feed you shot after shot and then don’t pony up when the bill comes. I wound up throwing in about $60 of my own money, plus the $40 my boss had given me for drinks. And that wasn’t even half the bill. So, I guess don’t accept drinks from other people unless you explicitly know they’re buying.
- the moment when a guy was hitting on one of the girls, and there was only 3 of us there at the point, and the other two girls decided to get up and go to the bathroom, asking me to watch their stuff. There was a long line. The guy talked to me for a second before excusing himself back to his party (which is fine) but I was forced to sit there, all alone, for awhile. Not a good feeling, especially when you have social anxiety.
- Missing time. I have at least 5 minutes that I can’t account for. Also, my purse is ruined and I can’t for sure say why, but my theories for it are all disgusting.
- Which brings me to puking. Ugh. So awful. I threw up on at least 3 occasions. Sorry for the TMI.
- Being dizzy. I’m dizzy enough on a regular basis, I don’t need any help in that department.
The analytic side of myself was sizing things up all night, constantly evaluating my state. For the most part, I was in control. I could still say the alphabet backwards (although I forgot G, which I think I do sober), I knew how to get home and told my boyfriend which exit I normally take. I felt disappointed in myself for allowing myself to get intoxicated. But, 4 shots of rum, a huge margarita (made extra strong for me since was my bday, which I didn’t ask for) over 2 hours was a lot it seems. That last shot, the patron, ugh, that did it. That’s when I lost the time.
Luckily, I kept my mind about me. I made sure to drink lots of water. I took a shower when I got home (which was my boyfriends idea.), and then went to bed. I did not have a hangover the next day. Which is great, because my boyfriend worked really hard to get the day off, and I would have felt terrible if I had messed it up.
On my actually birthday, we slept in a bit, then went to lunch. After that, we went and saw the newest Planet of the Apes movie, which was good. Then, sat and drank some coffee and discussed the movie, then went home, got ready, and went out to dinner at this fancy place in Beverly Hills. The steak was awesome, there was a basket of different breads at the beginning (which I love because I can eat cheesy bread, and pretzel bread, and buttered bread…), modern live music that was so good that I didn’t know it was live until we walked past the piano. Everything was just delicious and classy. And great.
We went home, watched Leftovers and then played some video games. All in all, a good bday.
Happy belated birthday, Angela!
I am glad that you had a great day, making it easier to forget the dreadful Saturday.
Mark Baron said:
Happy Belated Drunk Birthday! 😉 I’ve long since abandoned the need to get drunk, but getting a little tipsy can be fun. Remember, one need not drink everything set in front of you! 😉
Adan Ramie said:
Happy belated birthday, Angela! While your whole drunken, overwhelming experience might not have been a good one, don’t forget to use it – vomit and all – as writing fodder. And enjoy 30!